Well, it's been a while since my last post. Figured I should write something of relevance.
It's December 1st and I have 15 days left of my permit position with the City of Minneapolis. Honestly, I couldn't be happier that it is ending. Ever since my move from the South Office back to the Downtown Office and under a new supervisor, everything has kind of gone downhill. Within a month of moving back downtown, my arm has some serious issues going on with it. I have no idea what happened or how, but it is one seriously fucked up problem. 5 months later and I think my arm is finally getting better. Who knows if that will last. I'm just happy that it is finally not in a constant state of unrest and pain anymore. I can't even explain what the problem is anymore, you just kind of know when something is off with your body, and this was something very wrong.
Either way, things have not been going very well with me in Minnesota, and I am finally moving back to Wisconsin on December 22nd. It will be so nice to not have to travel very far anymore to go home. Don't get me wrong, I am sad to be leaving the few friends I have left in this city, but I think Wisconsin is where I truly belong right now. I'm definitely not looking forward to unemployment or living with my parents again, however, it will be nice to not have to worry about paying back my loans for a little while.
Well, that's all I have for now. So to sum it up: I'm about to be unemployed, I'm moving home, and there is something weird going on with my arm.
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Monday, January 9, 2012
Realizations
Well, I guess it's official: I'm staying in Minneapolis for awhile. I was given a promotion, as of January 3rd, my new title is Office Support Staff (permit). Permit means I don't get paid holidays or any other benefits, but it did come with a pay raise, which will help a lot.
However, after a week of working in the south office instead of downtown, I realize that I'm not very happy with my life right now. The more I think about it, the more I want to move to Madison. Honestly, I'm not even entirely sure why I want to move there. A lot of it has to do with wanting to be somewhat closer to my family, but not so close that I have to see them all the time. Who knows if that's actually the reason. I guess I'm just realizing that I'm just not happy right now. I can always tell when I'm unhappy because I can see myself gaining weight again, but I don't do anything to change that.
Maybe I just miss having some sort of life that doesn't involve doing nothing but going to work, sitting in the same room all day, going home and sitting on my ass for the rest of the night because I have nothing better to do. Have I done this to myself? Do I need to go out with people more often? The problem is, all my friends seem to ditch me every time we make plans. Lets take this past weekend for example: I made plans with 2 friends for Saturday night, so I ended up turning down other plans so I could see them for once. What happened you ask? Well, both end up ditching me, so not making plans with my other friend was a stupid choice. Luckily, my roommate brought a bunch of her friends over to our apartment. I'm just happy I didn't end up doing absolutely nothing all weekend.
What ever happened to having reliable friends? I feel like I can't count on anyone in Minneapolis. Maybe that's why I'm so interested in leaving...
However, after a week of working in the south office instead of downtown, I realize that I'm not very happy with my life right now. The more I think about it, the more I want to move to Madison. Honestly, I'm not even entirely sure why I want to move there. A lot of it has to do with wanting to be somewhat closer to my family, but not so close that I have to see them all the time. Who knows if that's actually the reason. I guess I'm just realizing that I'm just not happy right now. I can always tell when I'm unhappy because I can see myself gaining weight again, but I don't do anything to change that.
Maybe I just miss having some sort of life that doesn't involve doing nothing but going to work, sitting in the same room all day, going home and sitting on my ass for the rest of the night because I have nothing better to do. Have I done this to myself? Do I need to go out with people more often? The problem is, all my friends seem to ditch me every time we make plans. Lets take this past weekend for example: I made plans with 2 friends for Saturday night, so I ended up turning down other plans so I could see them for once. What happened you ask? Well, both end up ditching me, so not making plans with my other friend was a stupid choice. Luckily, my roommate brought a bunch of her friends over to our apartment. I'm just happy I didn't end up doing absolutely nothing all weekend.
What ever happened to having reliable friends? I feel like I can't count on anyone in Minneapolis. Maybe that's why I'm so interested in leaving...
Sunday, October 30, 2011
This is NOT sleeping in
8:30am!?! Boo!
Another weekend has come and gone, and I find myself unable to sleep past 9am anymore. This is quite frustrating. Apparently my sleep schedule of waking up at 6am during the week has made it impossible for me to sleep in. :-( One of these days I will sleep for longer than 8 hours on the weekend.
Oh well. Now that I think about it, I did go to sleep at like 11pm last night. Talk about having absolutely no life. I seriously need to get out of Minneapolis. I'm so done with this city. Sure, there are a few friends that complain they will miss me if I leave. I doubt they really will. We're still in the same city and I already barely see them.
I'm ready for something new. I'm ready to be back in Wisconsin. I'm so sick of the hatred people have here for my home state. I've tried to get them to be more specific and refer to the school and not the entire state, yeah, that never worked. It's really annoying. At least my hatred is specifically for the vikings here in MN. There's only so much of that a person can really handle.
Starting tomorrow, or maybe today depending on how productive I feel like being. I have decided to dedicate at least an hour of every evening to working out and doing job searches. While I am okay with moving home, I know I'll go crazy there in about a month. I'm ready to be out on my own and doing something of relevance. Mainly, I just don't want to deal with the millions of questions my mother will throw at me the second I end up back in that house.
Another weekend has come and gone, and I find myself unable to sleep past 9am anymore. This is quite frustrating. Apparently my sleep schedule of waking up at 6am during the week has made it impossible for me to sleep in. :-( One of these days I will sleep for longer than 8 hours on the weekend.
Oh well. Now that I think about it, I did go to sleep at like 11pm last night. Talk about having absolutely no life. I seriously need to get out of Minneapolis. I'm so done with this city. Sure, there are a few friends that complain they will miss me if I leave. I doubt they really will. We're still in the same city and I already barely see them.
I'm ready for something new. I'm ready to be back in Wisconsin. I'm so sick of the hatred people have here for my home state. I've tried to get them to be more specific and refer to the school and not the entire state, yeah, that never worked. It's really annoying. At least my hatred is specifically for the vikings here in MN. There's only so much of that a person can really handle.
Starting tomorrow, or maybe today depending on how productive I feel like being. I have decided to dedicate at least an hour of every evening to working out and doing job searches. While I am okay with moving home, I know I'll go crazy there in about a month. I'm ready to be out on my own and doing something of relevance. Mainly, I just don't want to deal with the millions of questions my mother will throw at me the second I end up back in that house.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Real Life begins
Okay, I totally fail at being productive. Seeing as my internship ends in about 2 months, I should really be looking more forcefully for jobs. Except, I'm not. Anyone out there have some motivation for me?
Honestly, I think there is a part of me that is okay with moving home and not doing anything for a little while. Is that so bad? ...probably...
Honestly, I think there is a part of me that is okay with moving home and not doing anything for a little while. Is that so bad? ...probably...
Monday, March 28, 2011
Life
I think I've narrowed down my living choices to 3 different places: Chicago, Illinois...Madison, Wisconsin...or Minneapolis/Saint Paul, Minnesota.
Though, I think Madison is the most unlikely place that I will end up moving. There aren't very many housing related jobs for me there. Property management doesn't sound like something I will do forever...but who knows...I feel like that's the only real housing career I could have in that city. Do they even have any fortune 500 companies in Madison? But yeah...how about housing development? I suppose that happens everywhere, but I wouldn't know the first place to look to find a job in Madison.
I know that I was really against this not too long ago, but I actually wouldn't mind staying in the Twin Cities for awhile. I don't think I could make myself get a Minnesota drivers license or admit that it's home, but I think I could make a good start to my career from here. There are a lot of options...I just haven't found the one that will help me out yet.
As for Chicago, I really don't have any connections there besides the fact that I've always wanted to move there.
Though, I think Madison is the most unlikely place that I will end up moving. There aren't very many housing related jobs for me there. Property management doesn't sound like something I will do forever...but who knows...I feel like that's the only real housing career I could have in that city. Do they even have any fortune 500 companies in Madison? But yeah...how about housing development? I suppose that happens everywhere, but I wouldn't know the first place to look to find a job in Madison.
I know that I was really against this not too long ago, but I actually wouldn't mind staying in the Twin Cities for awhile. I don't think I could make myself get a Minnesota drivers license or admit that it's home, but I think I could make a good start to my career from here. There are a lot of options...I just haven't found the one that will help me out yet.
As for Chicago, I really don't have any connections there besides the fact that I've always wanted to move there.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
What's been on my mind
A conversation with someone lately has me thinking about my relationship with my brother a lot. The more I think about it, the more I just don't understand it at all.
When we were younger we used to do a lot of stuff together, granted there was a time when we got along that he decided to put a remote control car on top of my head and get my hair caught in the wheels, but that isn't exactly the point. Anyways, we bonded while playing just about everything together: legos, star trek, barbies, teenage mutant ninja turtles, N64, the list is actually quite large.
I just wonder where and when it all went wrong? I wish I could pin point it to some specific moment that occurred, but there's nothing that comes to mind. Its almost as if one day he decided he hated me and never wanted me around anymore. His rudeness and jerk behaviors really damaged me. I honestly don't think I'm as strong a person as I could have been if we had continued to get along.
There's probably not a single person out there that truly knows anything about my relationship with my brother. No one has really experienced it first hand. Sure, some people have seen us blow up at one another, but I'm pretty sure that no one can really understand what it was like for me (though some people have tried and referenced my brother's behavior toward me in arguments before). Is it really fair that at the ages of 22 and 25 we still don't get along? I mean, I've been out of the state of Wisconsin for 4 years now and we still only talk when I go home and are in the same room, forced to speak to one another.
I'll admit, there have been a few times in the last year that we haven't gotten into an argument. He actually made an effort to see me last summer for my 22nd birthday, and surprise of surprises: he was actually nice to me! Who would have thought that could even happen? Honestly, I'd attribute it to the fact that I had 2 friends home with me that weekend. He never acts like quite the jackass that he is with other people around. News flash for you: everyone knows you haven't been nice to me in almost 10 years now, so the act didn't really work. Both Jennifer and Kate were surprised at how he was acting, though they had never met him before they know the stories of how he has been treating me.
It really makes me wonder if he's the reason that I can't commit to someone. Relationships terrify me! That's not something that many people will say, but I've been hurt so many times that the thought of completely letting someone in scares me to death. I'll flirt and whatnot, but the second something gets to be more serious than a fling where I don't feel anything...that's where I freak out and hide away. I'm pretty sure that's not normal. No one would want to be with someone that does that type of thing, I know I don't. Yet here I am, doing the one thing that hurts people more than anything.
The more I think about how my brother treated me the more I realize how verbally abusive he truly was. I was treated like shit for a good amount of time and it brought my self esteem right down with it. I still look in the mirror and see the 220 pound 10th grader I was in high school. No matter how much weight I've lost or how much I've grown, I still feel like that person that sat in her bedroom on a Friday night eating a bag of chips.
These are things that I hate to admit to myself, or anyone for that matter, but it's been on my mind all week. I can't really do much about it. How exactly do you cope with how you perceive yourself? Is there really any way to truly move past all the hurt that my older brother has caused me all these years?
When we were younger we used to do a lot of stuff together, granted there was a time when we got along that he decided to put a remote control car on top of my head and get my hair caught in the wheels, but that isn't exactly the point. Anyways, we bonded while playing just about everything together: legos, star trek, barbies, teenage mutant ninja turtles, N64, the list is actually quite large.
I just wonder where and when it all went wrong? I wish I could pin point it to some specific moment that occurred, but there's nothing that comes to mind. Its almost as if one day he decided he hated me and never wanted me around anymore. His rudeness and jerk behaviors really damaged me. I honestly don't think I'm as strong a person as I could have been if we had continued to get along.
There's probably not a single person out there that truly knows anything about my relationship with my brother. No one has really experienced it first hand. Sure, some people have seen us blow up at one another, but I'm pretty sure that no one can really understand what it was like for me (though some people have tried and referenced my brother's behavior toward me in arguments before). Is it really fair that at the ages of 22 and 25 we still don't get along? I mean, I've been out of the state of Wisconsin for 4 years now and we still only talk when I go home and are in the same room, forced to speak to one another.
I'll admit, there have been a few times in the last year that we haven't gotten into an argument. He actually made an effort to see me last summer for my 22nd birthday, and surprise of surprises: he was actually nice to me! Who would have thought that could even happen? Honestly, I'd attribute it to the fact that I had 2 friends home with me that weekend. He never acts like quite the jackass that he is with other people around. News flash for you: everyone knows you haven't been nice to me in almost 10 years now, so the act didn't really work. Both Jennifer and Kate were surprised at how he was acting, though they had never met him before they know the stories of how he has been treating me.
It really makes me wonder if he's the reason that I can't commit to someone. Relationships terrify me! That's not something that many people will say, but I've been hurt so many times that the thought of completely letting someone in scares me to death. I'll flirt and whatnot, but the second something gets to be more serious than a fling where I don't feel anything...that's where I freak out and hide away. I'm pretty sure that's not normal. No one would want to be with someone that does that type of thing, I know I don't. Yet here I am, doing the one thing that hurts people more than anything.
The more I think about how my brother treated me the more I realize how verbally abusive he truly was. I was treated like shit for a good amount of time and it brought my self esteem right down with it. I still look in the mirror and see the 220 pound 10th grader I was in high school. No matter how much weight I've lost or how much I've grown, I still feel like that person that sat in her bedroom on a Friday night eating a bag of chips.
These are things that I hate to admit to myself, or anyone for that matter, but it's been on my mind all week. I can't really do much about it. How exactly do you cope with how you perceive yourself? Is there really any way to truly move past all the hurt that my older brother has caused me all these years?
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Update
The time has come for me to update my limited readers about my life. How exciting! I feel like I was far too productive today with homework. This is my reward for being productive. Anyways. As usual, my life is actually pretty boring. I honestly don't know what to say when people ask me what I've been up to.
How exactly am I supposed to respond to that when we haven't talked in forever?! I can think of interesting things to talk about when I'm on the phone with my mom or even Ana, but when people from high school ask me about my life and it's been at least a year since we've spoken...yeah...should I catch you up on every detail of my life? What kind of answer are you expecting to such a general question?
Maybe I'm just sick of having people ask me that question. Over this past weekend I think I had about 5 people ask me the exact same thing. My response? My life is boring. I go to school. I go to work. I have no romantic prospects that deserve any attention from people I rarely talk to anymore. How about you ask me about my personal life when I actually have something interesting to say about it? Or maybe if you're trying to set me up with someone. Then I just might listen. Other than that...I'll bring it up when it actually matters.
I feel like this is what I'll have to deal with if I decide to go to my 5 year high school reunion this summer. Honestly I don't see the point in going. I mean...it's only been 5 years! Has anyone really made anything out of their life at this point? I know I haven't. I'm only now graduating from college. Who knows if that's even happening if I don't get an internship and complete it before the summer is over. I'm so ready to be done with school. I just wish I could figure out where I want to end up after I finally get my diploma. It's so difficult to plan a future when you don't have anything specific you need to do, besides find a way to make money. I feel like my best option would be management. There are quite a few companies that have really good salaries and benefits for employees.
I read somewhere recently that housing development is the most difficult profession to get into with housing. This totally sucks because it's definitely my first choice in a career right now. I know I'll survive, and I know that once I get my degree I can go wherever I want to find a job, but it would be nice to be somewhere that I have a few friends. Right now I am hoping for Minneapolis/Saint Paul, Madison, or Chicago. Those cities are not in any specific order, but they are the 3 that I am the most interested in living in.
Okay, I think I've rambled about my life long enough. I probably didn't make any sense, but oh well. My mind works in mysterious ways sometimes.
How exactly am I supposed to respond to that when we haven't talked in forever?! I can think of interesting things to talk about when I'm on the phone with my mom or even Ana, but when people from high school ask me about my life and it's been at least a year since we've spoken...yeah...should I catch you up on every detail of my life? What kind of answer are you expecting to such a general question?
Maybe I'm just sick of having people ask me that question. Over this past weekend I think I had about 5 people ask me the exact same thing. My response? My life is boring. I go to school. I go to work. I have no romantic prospects that deserve any attention from people I rarely talk to anymore. How about you ask me about my personal life when I actually have something interesting to say about it? Or maybe if you're trying to set me up with someone. Then I just might listen. Other than that...I'll bring it up when it actually matters.
I feel like this is what I'll have to deal with if I decide to go to my 5 year high school reunion this summer. Honestly I don't see the point in going. I mean...it's only been 5 years! Has anyone really made anything out of their life at this point? I know I haven't. I'm only now graduating from college. Who knows if that's even happening if I don't get an internship and complete it before the summer is over. I'm so ready to be done with school. I just wish I could figure out where I want to end up after I finally get my diploma. It's so difficult to plan a future when you don't have anything specific you need to do, besides find a way to make money. I feel like my best option would be management. There are quite a few companies that have really good salaries and benefits for employees.
I read somewhere recently that housing development is the most difficult profession to get into with housing. This totally sucks because it's definitely my first choice in a career right now. I know I'll survive, and I know that once I get my degree I can go wherever I want to find a job, but it would be nice to be somewhere that I have a few friends. Right now I am hoping for Minneapolis/Saint Paul, Madison, or Chicago. Those cities are not in any specific order, but they are the 3 that I am the most interested in living in.
Okay, I think I've rambled about my life long enough. I probably didn't make any sense, but oh well. My mind works in mysterious ways sometimes.
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