List

I feel like I have a growing list of names of people I never want to hear from again because they've hurt me enough times it's too much to even try and be their friend.  Boys are STUPID, throw rocks at them!

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Here's what I've been thinking lately:

I really want to get out of Minneapolis once I graduate.  I can't handle being here any longer.  The more time goes by the more I'm just hoping for graduation to get here asap!  Either way, I've decided these are the places I would like to go after I get my diploma:  California, Florida, Illinois, or Wisconsin.  These really aren't in any specific order, I just need to get the heck out of Minnesota.  I love Minneapolis, but current events make me realize that this was the perfect place for me to attend college, but it's not where I want to spend my entire life.  I'm even considering Milwaukee as an option, which is mind-blowing to me because for the longest time I've hated the city of Milwaukee.  It's closer to home though, which is why it is so appealing.  Well anyways, that's just something I needed to get out.  I've been thinking about it for awhile, I just need to be a little more proactive in certain aspects of my life.

Speaking of which, my brother recently added onto my phone plan.  In reality that's not really a big deal, but he just had to inquire why I never talk on my phone or use many of my 400 some minutes.  Short answer, no one loves me and the majority of my phone usage involves texting rather than calling.  It really seems to be a foreign language to him though because he apparently uses too many minutes.  Clearly my brother is better at picking friends than I am.  Then again, that's always been the story of my life...

Going downhill

Things seem to just keep getting worse for me.  Not only am I stuck in Minneapolis for Thanksgiving without my family, but I have absolutely no one to spend it with either.  Looks like I'm going to be eating a pizza for Thanksgiving dinner.  So annoying!  I would love to have a home cooked meal right about now.  Except all I am good at making is breakfast foods.  Maybe I'll have pancakes and waffles tomorrow.  It can be a day full of all breakfast food.  That's Thanksgivingy right?

I think my best option is to forget that tomorrow is a holiday and just focus and do some homework and watch some Christmas movies.  That way I can just completely skip Thanksgiving all together.  I wouldn't be so bummed about it if I at least had someone to celebrate with.  At this point I'd take just about anyone.  Oh well, maybe I'll come to terms with my sadness at some point tomorrow.  Or at least drown some of my sorrows in the alcohol I bought to get me through the day. Wow, that sure makes me sound like an alcoholic. haha. 

Theres so many other things that have been going wrong for me lately I don't even know where to start.  Band is finally going okay, except that I switched to rifle for 2 of the songs and am suffering when it comes to doing some of the moves.  Hopefully that will work itself out by Friday though.  Other than that I'm just trying to make it through everything day by day.

I think the biggest issue I'm having is with friends.  I feel like I am slowly being edged out somehow.  My phone used to go off all the time with text messages from friends wanting to hang out, but now...I think it's been more than a week since anyone here in Minneapolis has contacted me about hanging out outside of marching band.  Then they had the nerve to ask me: why didn't you contact me this weekend?  We could have hung out.  ...Well, I'm sorry that I didn't contact you after all of you decided to cancel our road trip last minute and made me feel like a complete ass to someone I've known since high school and have been planning the trip to see him for almost 2 months.  Yes, it is my fault that I was alone all weekend.  I did try to contact all of them this weekend, however, no one responded.  Whatever, it just shows me who my true friends are.  It also makes me realize how much I miss Jennifer.  It totally sucks having roommates that are always out and about with their boyfriends.  Granted I'm kinda single by choice, but there are times I really wish I had someone to always rely on to hang out with me.

I honestly don't think I've been this unhappy with my personal life since my Freshman year of college in Stevens Point.  Clearly I just need to find a new group of people to hang out with here in Minneapolis.  Perhaps there will be one day that my life will just fall into place, but until that time, I am going to try my best to be a more upbeat person.  Perhaps a new attitude will help change things around a little.

Ugh!

I'm so frustrated with everything right now.  I can't even handle this bullshit.  The end of May is soooo far away right now.  I just want to get out of here.  I feel like nothing is going right for me right now.  Hopefully that will all change in my professional life, but my personal life is hanging by a thread right now :( 

Marching band sucks right now.  For the first time in 2 years I've been taken out of pregame, which in hindsight really isn't that big of a deal, however, it is my senior year and I feel like that should give me a little bit of an edge when it comes to making that decision.  Or even if I wasn't actually trying to hit chair during practice it might be warranted.  It just feels like I am constantly under attack my 2 of the color guard leaders (for things that they do too).  It's just frustrating.  They are 2 of my best friends, but ever since this year started I feel like they are teaming together to make my life miserable.  I know that's not right but it's how it feels right now.  Every time I seem to make plans with them, something screws it up.  It just really makes me miss my old roommate more and more.  I miss my live-in best friend.  That I can just be lazy with and hang out with all the time.  My new roommates are awesome, but I still feel slightly like an outcast since they both have boyfriends and are gone when I'm home and when I'm gone they are home.

I could really use something good to happen.  Like finally landing an internship so that I can graduate after next semester.  That would make my semester right now.  Really anything good happening would help.  Maybe my friends acting like my friends again.  I just don't appreciate being called a best friend by certain people and then when school starts you act like an ass toward me.  If I'm explaining something I get attitude for it, so I end up giving attitude right back.  Truthfully, I think it's warranted.  Don't be a bitch to me about something but not come down hard on someone else for doing something even worse.  It's not okay, and it's been happening a lot lately.  Honestly, if it keeps happening my attitude during band is not going to change.  I have no reason to pretend to be happy about something when no one else is getting pulled aside for the things that they are doing wrong.

I've had enough and if it continues, you're actually going to get bitched out by me next time.  So far I've held my tongue on certain topics, but it will not continue if I get yelled at for something else that either doesn't matter or something that isn't as bad as oh I don't know...wearing WHITE under your uniform instead of black, or perhaps red gloves.  I was still f-ing wearing black socks, and they are socks that I've worn for the past 4 f-ing years!  Yeah, I'm gonna give you attitude and then have a breakdown after that kind of thing. 

Goodbye September

It's been a rough 7 weeks, but here I am.  I see the light at the end of the excruciatingly long tunnel.  Marching band officially started on August 26th and it is now the 1st of October.  Crazy!  It feels like an entire semester has gone by but its only been a month!  I still can't believe the football schedule this year.  4 home games in a row!  It's been too much to handle.  I'm stressed to the max and at this point there's absolutely no way of relaxing anymore.  Any free time I think I have usually turns into sleep.  Not that sleep isn't a good thing, but I miss having at least some sort of social life.  A time when I did more than sleep, class, work, band, football home game, practice, homework, work out, and then a little more sleep.  Sounds like a real fulfilling life, doesn't it?

The bright spot at the end of the tunnel is knowing that after tomorrow mornings game there are only 3 home games left for the season.  Don't get me wrong, I love marching band, but I'm grateful to be graduating in May.  The other bright spot...my cousins wedding is next weekend :D  I'm so excited!  Not excited to drive home during my first weekend of freedom, but the fact that I'm a bridesmaid makes up for that.  I do feel slightly uninvolved in the wedding though.  Since I'm so far away, no one tells me anything.  I still don't know any details about the pre-wedding stuff.  I know what my mother has told me, but she doesn't know much since she's not in the bridal party.  Quite frustrating!

One semi-cool thing we've done is enter a contest for Hawaii Five-O.  Here's a link to the video:
Vote for the UMMB!

Dear Car,

It's been fun.  We've had some good times over the last year.  However, the last 3 days have felt terrible due to the fact that you haven't been working.  After 4 calls to AAA and 2 to the dealership that finally has you, the annoyance you have caused is finally over.  Hopefully you'll be working by the weekend so that I am able to drive myself home.  Bu, my lovely Malibu, I just hope that when I pick you up from the dealership in the next few days you will be running as good as new and will stop dying on me while I am driving you.

Anyways, to explain fully:  It all started about a month ago.  I noticed my car was doing funny things like not start up, or when it would start, all of the speedometers would flicker up and down and then the car would completely shut off.  Of course I told my father what was happening (he is a mechanic after all) and he couldn't get the car to act up that way.  Therefore all he really did is clean up some stuff on the engine and it was good to go.

Next, my car completely died this Monday.  I went down to my car to drive myself to work and all of a sudden as I was turning on the car it did the speedometer thing and then gave out completely.  My immediate reaction was: how in the hell am I going to get to work?!  Lucky for me Ana was visiting and I was able to drive her car to work.

When I got home, I had to deal with the car situation.  First it started with a call from my father telling me what dealership to call here in Minneapolis so that I would be able to get it checked out and fixed.  So when I got off the phone with him, I called the dealership and talked to some guy named Jerry about my whole car situation.  So he told me to call AAA since I have a membership with them and have the car towed to Walser Buick GMC Store in Roseville to have it get checked.  Well, when I called AAA they decided to send their "battery expert" out to help me with my car.  Originally, he told me that my battery was fine.  Then when I came back from letting Syressa back into the building, the guy told me I needed a new battery because the 1500W output was too much for my current battery to handle?  Honestly, I dont believe him. Either way, I was charged over $100 for him to replace my battery.

Next, I go downstairs 20 minutes after the battery guy leaves so that Ana and I can go to IKEA and MOA.  Well, wouldn't you know it, the car won't start again.  So I yet again have to call AAA to come back and this time I insisted on a tow truck.  So the tow truck guy shows up and says that the problem is that the battery isn't connected properly.  Therefore all he does is tighten the battery cable or whatever so that the car starts again.  This time it actually worked.  I asked for a second time whether or not my car needed to go to the dealership to be checked.  Just like the "battery expert" the towing guy said no.  So from about 3:30pm on Monday until 3:15pm Wednesday, my car works just fine.  It starts up and everything.

So I go to pick up Kate from work today, because it is ungodly humid outside and I decided it was too much to ask her to walk back here.  She gets into my car and while waiting for the stop light (with lots of cars behind me) my car's engine completely shuts off, yet again!  Luckily that time it was only for a few seconds and I was able to make it all the way back to my apartment, drive into the garage, and am just about to get into my spot when...yup...the engine shuts off again and will not start.

Next, I must call AAA for the 3rd time.  Lucky for me the lady was finally understanding and sent me someone that actually listened and took my car to when I wanted it to go.  (of course at first they thought I wanted my car to go somewhere in Bloomington, which was totally wrong, I wanted it to go to Roseville!)  Well anyways, this time I had to wait from 3:15 until 5:30 for my car to finally be towed away to the dealership.  The long wait was because 3 different drivers had to be called and since my car was stuck down in my parking garage, a tow truck can't get down there.  So it just became the biggest hassle in the entire world.  Plus, now I ended up skipping preseason color guard practice tonight because I was so upset about the situation and starving by the time it ended.  Not really that big of a deal, but I enjoyed the last one so I kinda wanted to go again.  It just didn't seem worth it after how stressed I got.

I feel prepared to deal with situations like this again, but it was just a pain in the ass to have my car keep dying on me!  Such a frustrating time.  It was almost never ending.  Hopefully my car will be fixed and ready in time for me to drive home this weekend.

The Beginning...

Okay, I give in.  I've created a blog.  Not that anyone was honestly pushing me to make one.  I figure it's about time I created a new one.  After all, it's the main reason I started a MySpace in high school.  Either way, here I am...blogging.


I just wonder what the deal is with Universities cutting funding for students.  I realize they have had million dollar cuts in their own funding, but really?  Why was all of my work study money taken away for my final year of college?  I'm so frustrated with this, which totally sucks because I finally am starting the year with a good job.  Problem with them cutting my work study, my current job depends on those funds in order to keep me on staff.  No matter who I email or talk to, no one seems to be able to help me out.  They have me on a wait list for funding, which may or may not work out.   Everything depends on how many other people decide to accept their work study funding.  I just don't know what is going to happen if I don't end up getting some funding.  Will I still have my job?  Should I start applying for other jobs again?  Can I survive Fall Semester without a job if I don't end up getting the funding?  There are so many questions and I just don't know what is going to happen.  What's worse is that I could have been done with school this past May if I had just filled my schedule a little more the last 2 years.  I spent so much time thinking I was going to be an Interior Designer, and when that finally went to hell I settled for a major is something similar (and in my opinion better) to Interior Design.  Hopefully everything will work out and I'll get my work study funding.  So for those who have a heart at the University of Minnesota...there will be a few of you that will not take your work study financial aid.